Crying time

London Bound
London bound

One year ago today, on February 27, 2020, I was on a plane bound for London.  There were a few more documents I wanted to review at the National Archives and one book I particularly had to see at the British Library.  Two weeks after I got home, travel was restricted.  As much as I would have liked to return to England, I was very grateful and relieved that I had gone when I did.

Royal Opera House – Curtain Call

In January of 2019, I had been in London doing research for a new historical novel about the world of opera.  It was exciting to stay in Covent Garden and attend a performance of the Royal Opera.  On my last day in town, I indulged a whim to go see a portrait of a British Army officer that I had come across when I was writing my novel, A Moon Garden.  When I saw the painting, I was captivated.  The artist had masterfully captured the essence of a young, confident, strong, and beautiful young man.  

It was difficult to find out anything about this soldier, and I realized that the novel was going to have to wait.  It had become my mission to uncover this man’s story and tell it.  After researching for a year, I began writing.  My pursuit of information was ongoing throughout the year that it took to complete the written chronology of the life of this inspiring man.  When I was nearly finished, I became sad.  As I wrote the last lines, I cried.

A friend recognized my symptoms.  She laughed at me and said, “You did this last time too.”

“When I wrote A Moon Garden?”

“Yes,”

“I cried?”

“You got very emotional.”

I did.  Writing the novel was a psychological journey. The main character was constantly faced with challenges and crises in matters of war, love, family, and community.  As I wrote his story, I felt his worries, his joys, his internal conflicts.  I would listen to arias while working at my desk and suddenly find myself weeping.  But that was separate from what I experienced when I finished writing the book. A different kind of sadness enveloped me.

While I felt the thrill of accomplishment, I also had a sense of loss.  After spending over a year researching and writing about my fictional characters, I had a strong attachment to them.  Although I was glad at last to be able to share the story with my readers, it was an adjustment to let go and change my priorities.  That is how I feel now about this soldier.  For two years, I was singularly absorbed in connecting with him, discovering who he was, what he did, where he went, how he thought, why he made his choices. It is a relief to know that his story is closer to being known. 

For a few minutes, I indulged in some crying time.  The mood has passed.  I still have work to do.


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